One of the things that I like about my job is that one of my co-workers is in her middle-20’s, without kids and is actively dating and trying to meet someone. She keeps it real with me and I appreciate it because while I am not actively dating, she keeps me thinking about it and working over one day trying again and seeing if there is someone out there for me to build a life with.
The other day she comes in and sits with me by my desk, scrolling through her dating app and becoming increasingly more frustrated with it. Has modern society really made it this hard to find someone? Probably.
“Did you ever sign back up to e-harmony,” she asks me, flicking down her phone and over whatever app she was on.
I sigh. “I started to do the personality test and then I just started to cry so I figured that I was probably not in the best mindset to be doing this and I was not ready to try again.”
“That’s fair. My best guy friend told me last night that my profile was horrifying and that’s why I wasn’t getting anyone interested in me.”
I paused what I am doing. “Well, do you think he was right?”
She begins reading to me her profile. I last a couple of seconds before I put my hands up. “Yeah, he is absolutely right. That sounds crazy and demanding and not at all what you should have in a dating profile.”
“Well! I AM JUST SO TIRED OF IT! I am so tired of something starting and it just falling apart. I am so tired of putting myself out there and it being nothing in the end. How do you start yours when you’re doing it?”
I chuckle. “I keep it light and honest. I think when I met John mine had said that I was a widow with three kids and that I was looking for something meaningful.”
“What is light about being a widow with three kids?”
“Not a whole lot, but it’s honest and I didn’t want someone to be surprised by that because—” She cuts me off.
“Because you didn’t want someone who was going to leave over the kids and hurt you and the kids,” she says, having listened to me cry many times over the summer about the state of my life.
I’m teary eyed again. “Yeah, pretty much and then that happened anyway so here we are. I guess I don’t know a whole lot about dating either.”
“Have you thought about using a free app? Might just get you a couple of dates and gets you out of the house a couple nights? Gives you a break?”
I snort. “You mean one of those sites that you need to even create a handle for? What would mine even be? Something like widowedmomofthreewithfreshexboyfriendbaggage,” I say flippantly.
She looks at me and busts out laughing and then suddenly I am laughing with her, a real laugh. One I haven’t had in many weeks and then we’re both laughing so hard that we are in tears, and it hurts to breathe.
“What,” I manage to choke out, “Is that too crazy and pressure filled?”
“Yes,” she laughs. “But it is also so perfect all in one.”
“Do I need a handle for whatever app that you’re using,” I ask, regaining my composure.
“No, but this one has you answer questions like what is your favorite cry to song.”
“What is yours,” I ask, tucking my feet up underneath me on my chair.
“Well, my best guy friend told me I need to set it to ‘Back That Ass Up’ and that would make men message me because it’s funny.” She starts humming the lyrics.
“And did you?”
“Oh yeah, I did, and you know what? He was right, men are messaging me asking me why that song.”
“Maybe we should just have him write our profiles and see where it goes,” I laugh. “I don’t think my issues are the profiles though. I think mine will always be the dead husband, the kids and my John created trust issues over my insecurities about the kids and the dead husband.”
“The right guy is going to love those kids though and the dead husband is kind of a blessing really, they don’t have to deal with an ex-husband.”
“You’re not wrong. I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“You’re not. You’re just out of your first long relationship after being widowed and it’s pretty clear you still love John.”
I nod, teary eyes returning.
“But when you are ready, please use that handle and let’s see how it goes,” she says laughing.
“Maybe we can just do a social experiment.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
Ultimately, we decide against doing a social experiment and we sit scrolling through her free dating app and looking at the messages that she got from turning her cry-to song to “Back That Ass Up,” while she sings it loudly.
Katherine Kuzma-Beck 
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